MAY 2013

Who is this man? What does he want from me? Immediately, I’m defensively and mentally attacking any positive impulse he has for me. How did he even know my name? He was about 6ft. Facing me and staring melodramatically at my contaminated face as I struggled to look back. I was unable to maintain eye contact with him for too long. It seemed inappropriate as to why I would stare into a man’s eyes for that long. As if I wasn’t dirty enough. For the few seconds in which I found his gaze, I was amazed for I had never seen anything so bewitching. His eyes were like vacuums. Deep and dark. They were almost consuming with a hypnotic effect. His lips curved as he repeated my name once more. The sound of my name on his lips rang in a sweetly sour melody as it played over and over in my head. Is he talking to me? Really, who is he? The strange man stood straight with his right arm boldly reaching for my quivering shoulder and at that moment, I was full of abhor for myself. At the feel of his palm, I was irrevocably drawn to him and I loathed myself.

Instantly, I thought of the spiritualists. The ones my husband’s family took me to. Oh I forgot. I was warned to stop referring to him as my husband. I thought of the way they lured me. My mother-in-law prior to the incident softly told me that I had a disease. She told me they were taking me to cure it. I believed her. Young and naïve; I believed her. The men stood around me. They banged against my petite body, distorting it. Breaking me. I remember wailing helplessly. My mother-in-law sat there. She watched with a smirk upon her face. I yelped in short breathless shrills, as tears rolled down my cheeks and into my dry mouth, begging them to stop. They didn’t stop.

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